☆ My Fears Of Going Into The Fall Semester (Part 1)☆

My anxiety is to the roof and going back to the university this fall is one of the reasons.

Here I am again preparing for another semester. Why does it always feel like the first time? Ahh, I can feel the rushing uncontrollable anxiety and stress taking over me. I feel overwhelmed and doubtful already and I haven't even started the semester as yet. And here comes my family with positivity: "Why are you worried? You are smart. You got this." Still, I doubt myself when it comes to these things. I just desire to be perfect in everything I do even though I'm imperfect. Come on I know no one is perfect or can be! Unless you are God! Yes, I know trying too hard to be might kill me. Ok, back to what I was saying. I just want to make myself proud, I want to make my family proud, I want to make God proud and I want to make my professors proud. I don't want to make any mistakes. Yes, I know I am human, and making mistakes are normal. However, whenever I fail in anything I feel like I haven't worked hard enough to achieve my expectations. Ever since I was a kid I was like this. I'm the student that would cry when I get an 80 something even a 95 on a test, exam, or quiz. The way I am I must get all A's or I'll feel like a failure and become extremely depressed.

I remember when I received an awful grade I had a meltdown. Thought my life was over. During that exam, I was blank even though I have studied diligently. Time took off while I was having a panic attack. Time doesn't wait on anyone. I couldn't firm my fingers to write anything. I was shaking like a leaf and sweating bullets. I knew I was going to fail even though I was prepared.

However, I should believe in myself this time around. I have come a long way. Although I got that awful grade in that class, I still managed to pass the class. Fortunately, I ace the finals. 😅

On a final note, I don't have a solution to these feelings of being a failure, being a disappointment, or my anxiousness about anything. I need to find ways to control these feelings. I will consider visiting a counselor at my University to help me cope or unravel what to do during times like these. I don't want to feel like it's the end of the world when I know I did my best nor freeze up when I know I can do it. We all can do anything as long as we put our mind to it.

☆Thanks for coming to my long a** ted talk...🥀

(Part 2) will be about my fears of going into the fall semester during a pandemic, a world of corruption, among some restless, careless, ignorant, disrespectful, ruining for every one set of people and my development of a phobia.🤦🏾‍♀️

~Take care and be safe out there love. ❤

And you got this 💯👌🏾🥰